How to Break Up

For some people, a break up is a regular occurrence. For others, break ups only happen once in a while. But no matter which category you fall into, you most likely dread the idea of ending a relationship with someone. It doesn't matter how often you do it or how much you think you are used to it – you never know what to expect when you are breaking up with someone.

That is why produced this article on how to break up, a compilation of some of the most common break up advice we could find. Take a look at this article if you are curious about the best way to break up with someone in your life. The most important thing to remember is that everyone is different and only you will know exactly the best way to break up with her.

1) Make Sure You Really Want to Break Up

The worst part of a breakup can sometimes be the aftermath, when you realize you made a huge mistake and imposed a change on your life that you don't even want. The first step in breaking up with someone is assuring yourself that the break up is what you need.

Some people get so frustrated about arguments that they are ready to end their relationship. Other people feel anger towards their partner because of tiny little things they do and harshly decide "that is that," breaking it off over something miniscule. Some people just leave because they think they need to date other women. Later on, however, many of these people feel a sense of regret because they broke up with someone they wish was still around.

If you are thinking about breaking up with someone, be sure not to make that major decision while you are feeling intense anger or frustration. Feelings of anger stemming from a relationship can easily cloud your judgment and push you toward decisions you might later regret. It doesn't make sense to let the frustration from a simple argument affect a relationship that is important to you. Before you rush to break up with her, consider the situation and the reasons you might want to end the relationship. Just remember that once you break up with her, you may never get her back again.

Before you end the relationship, make sure you openly discuss the problem you are having with your partner. Give her a chance to give her side of the story, explain why she does the thing that is bugging you, and give her an opportunity to fix the problem. There's no doubt that thousands of relationships have ended because of problems that could have easily been fixed. Probably millions. Either way, make sure you don't lose an important relationship because of a problem you didn't even discuss with her.

Finally, before you break up with her, consider what your life will be like once you have ended the relationship. You might get excited about the freedom, but you might also realize how much you liked having her around. Think about the different ways she affects your life, and what would be different about your life if she were not around. If you discover you would miss her more than you realized, you might want to reconsider breaking up with her and try an open conversation instead. If you just can't wait to be on your own again, and you know the problem is not something you two can solve, than it's time learn how to break up with her.

2) The Golden Rule

We've all heard it in school, and hopefully you've tried to maintain "The Golden Rule" in your everyday life. Treating others as we would like to be treated is not just a clever line meant for kids; it's a simple idea that makes every day life and every day situations easier to deal with.

The same goes for breakups. Using the Golden Rule when breaking up with someone is a simple, easy way to help ease the pain for the person being dumped. A break up usually comes out of nowhere for the person being dumped, so the emotional pain and shock of the situation can make it one of the hardest moments to deal with.

Before you even begin to tell her the bad news, be sure to keep in mind the Golden Rule. Just consider yourself in her position, all of sudden feeling more rejected than you have in a long time, maybe in your whole life. Not only is it hard because the relationship is over all of a sudden, but because the person being dumped wonders what they did wrong, or even worse, what part of their personality caused this break up. When someone is feeling this way, the slightest thing you say to them can greatly affect their emotions. They will be incredibly sensitive, insecure, and maybe even scared.

Consider yourself in this position and it should help you understand how you need to approach her when you break up. If you are about to say something that might hurt her feelings for no real reason, just bite your tongue. Don't say anything or do anything that you yourself would find upsetting if you were in that situation. Keeping this in mind before you break up will help you to remember it during the break up.

3) Pick the Right Time and Location

Avoid breaking up with your girlfriend on important dates and at important times. The last thing you want to do is add unnecessary frustration to the situation because you picked the worst time possible to break up the relationship.

First, you should plan out a good period of time when the break up would cause the least amount of problems. For an obvious example, it does not make sense to break up with her on Christmas morning, or the days leading up to Christmas. This goes for other major holidays, or just the holidays that are important for her. Don't break up with her if she has a big interview in the next couple of days, or if she just lost her job. Try to pick a time when life is calm, not a lot is going on, and you will both have some time to discuss the relationship. Next, choose the right location. This implies that you will break up with her face to face, and most people would prefer to break up in a private place like the home. However, that can depend on the people involved. If you feel scared that she might lose it and become physically violent, it might make sense to break up in a public place like a coffee shop or restaurant where she will control that behavior. We don't want to advise you to break up with her over the phone, but in some cases, that might be the best approach. Again, every couple is different, just like every person is different, so you need to really think about her and the most gentle way to let her go. Some people feel less embarrassment and cope more easily when they don't have to look the person in eye. For most people, breaking up in a private, one-on-one location, face to face, is the most appropriate way to deal with the situation.

Guys: please avoid using texts, emails, or your friend's blog to tell your girlfriend the relationship is over. Have some honor, show her some respect, and tell her to her face.

4) Be Honest

Lying during a break up with someone will only lead to problems, even if you are lying to spare her feelings and make the break up easier for her to deal with. A break up is a time to be as honest as possible so she will fully understand why the break up is necessary. Hiding the true reason for it will most likely make the break up harder to deal with, for both of you.

It's hard, but you need to tell her exactly why the relationship needs to end. This means that if you haven't brought the problem up in discussion before, she will be even more upset. This is a perfect reason why you need to bring up the problem before you actually break up with her; if it's something she can change, she might be more than willing to try. If you don't even bring it up and say that's why you are ending the relationship, you will have a problem on your hands (and you most likely have a totally different reason for wanting to break up with her).

Just be as honest as possible. If you can avoid unnecessary details that would just hurt her feelings, do it, but don't lie about anything. The hardest part about a breakup is being totally honest about things that will hurt the other person. Unfortunately, saying those things needs to happen, whether either of you want it or not. Ending the relationship instead of leading her on will help both of you in the long run. Be honest, but don't do it without step 5, which is…

5) Be Sensitive

Being honest throughout a breakup is essential, but you should try to balance that out with sensitivity. She is going to feel rejected, abandoned, and very alone. Just because you are breaking up with her does not mean you want her to feel alone.

When you tell her the news, try not to be overly harsh. She is going to be upset enough, and there is no reason to make her feel even worse about it. Don't criticize her over and over for the things she has done, either. You guys will have plenty of time to talk about the details later. For now, just make sure she understands you are ending the relationship and that you have made up your mind.

It's good to show her you are there for her, even if she rejects your offer. She will let you know if she doesn't want to be around you. If she does want you around, just don't let it get too far. It's easy for people who are breaking up, or were recently in a relationship, to feel intensely attracted to each other. You should be there for her, but stop it before you start doing things that blur the lines of "just friends."

6) Stand Your Ground

If you have made the final decision to break up with her, you need to tell her without backing down. You need to be honest, direct, and fully explain the reasons why the relationship needs to end. No matter how bad it makes you feel to make her this upset, she needs to know the truth, and you need to stand your ground.

Every girl is different. While one girl might slap you and run out of the room, the next girl might start crying, hug you, and try to kiss you. It's up to you, and only you, to make sure you get your point across no matter what her reaction is. It can be a huge challenge, but making sure she fully gets the point is your main goal here.

Certain decisions can confuse the whole break up process. If you tell her the relationship is over, but then allow her to seduce you into bed, she will obviously not get the point. If you are breaking up with her, you need to be the one in control. Her reaction to the break up might cause you to feel guilty, sad, empathetic, or even sexual, but don't let your emotions get the best of you.

During the actual breakup, you might begin to feel tinges of doubt. "Am I doing the right thing? Am I making a huge mistake?" These doubts are normal, and they are the reason why you should spend a lot of time thinking about the situation before you actually break up with her. If you have thought it through enough, you will be able to withstand any of those emotions, tell the truth, and successfully end the relationship. Good luck!