Step 1: Face the Facts and Yourself
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Denial is natural, but it won't help you to get over her. When a long-term relationship ends, you are losing more than just the person; you are losing the future you had planned and the relationship you were expecting. When such a major change occurs, you will naturally feel a sense of denial. The shock of the loss makes it almost impossible to accept it as reality. Plus, it feels easy to tell yourself that things will "work themselves out."

Unfortunately, that kind of denial will only prolong the time it will take for you to get over her. The more quickly you face the facts and realize the relationship is really over, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life.

Allow yourself to feel every emotion and consider every thought. You will notice your moods changing rather quickly from one to the next, but that is normal. Instead of trying to control these moods and emotions, just let them come and go as they please. After a serious separation, you need to give yourself some time to grieve and process what has happened. You need to give yourself a break. Let your emotions and thoughts wander, try to relax, and ignore the need to rush through the healing process (it will only make things harder in the long run) or into another relationship.

Once you have fully accepted that the relationship is over and you have experienced intense thoughts and emotions, you should consider asking yourself some personal questions that will help you understand what went wrong and why. This is a chance for you to really reflect on the relationship, the kind of man you were with her, and the kind of man you want to be. If you are not honest with yourself, this exercise will not help you. You must be honest. Questions you should ask yourself include (but are not limited to):

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-Why did the relationship end? Was it one large problem, or a bunch of little problems?

-Who was responsible for those problems?

-If we were both responsible for the separation, how much of it was my fault?

-What could I have done differently? What could she have done differently?

-Do I have fears about being in a long-term relationship?

-Did certain aspects of her personality bother me more than others? What were they?

-Could I have seen this separation coming sooner? What were the signs?

-If I were to change some things in my next relationship, what would they be?

-How is my life different now that I am single again?

By asking yourself some introspective questions, you will not only learn about yourself, but also about the type of woman you are really looking for and why your last relationship didn't work out. Again, these questions won't help you in the least if you lie to yourself; be sure to answer these questions honestly. You have no reason to lie since you will be the only one who sees the answers. If you are having trouble at first, write down the questions, then write out your answers.

Questioning yourself will help you cope with your situation more than you think, and the final question we suggested above will guide you smoothly into step 2.

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